Baljeet Rai : The Boy
Chapter 1 ~*•Baljeet's POV•*~ THWUMP, THWUMP, THWUMP. That's Aunt Mathilde stomping down the hallway to the cupboard under the stairs. Yes, that is where I sleep. I open the door in my pajamas and come to the kitchen, only to see my idiot cousin, Thaddeus. Aunt Mathilde shouts at me: "Cook the eggs, you lazy little pig! I want everything to be perfect for little sweetykins's birthday." , at the end of the sentence when she says "for little sweetykin's birthday" she starts petting Thaddeus in the most babyish way. I just ignore her and saunter over to the frying pans, greasy and sticky from Aunt Mathilde's disgraceful cooking. Thaddeus smirks at me in a very annoying manner. Even if it is his bloody birthday, I don't care. He doesn't deserve a birthday. Right then, I notice a very strange sizzling noise coming from the pan. I look down and notice the eggs have burnt through the pan and left a big, melty hole in the middle. Bloody hell. I'm in trouble now. "Boy?! What have you done to my pan?!" yells Aunt Mathilde. "Wh-ih- I DON'T KNOW!!" I shout. Right then, I look back over at the pan and it's completely mended. That's not the only strange thing that happened to me. The other week I was using the train, then a minute later I was on the bus! Then, I was on an aeroplane! And then I was at my destination! Also, whenever my hair is cut it instantly grows back! Once, Uncle Reg shaved all of it off so I was completely bald, and the next day all of the hair was back on my head!! Anyway, I show Aunt Mathilde the pan has been fixed, and she just glares at me angrily. Then Uncle Reg stomps down the stairs and stares at me. "Cut your hair." he snaps, ruffling Thaddeus's hair and sitting down to read the paper. "Happy Birthday, Boy." he says. "You. Get dressed. Auntie Meg is coming around." he says, addressing me. Uh-oh. Not Auntie Meg. She drives me just about insane. Chapter 2 Auntie Meg has just arrived for Thaddeus's birthday. Ughhh… this is terrible! I'm stuck here making the dinner to hear Auntie Meg insulting me, like I'm not there, and I feel myself getting angrier and angrier. "Oh, Mathilde. Why is it that… he takes forever to cook?" she says. "Megan, Megan, Megan… you haven't the slightest idea! He can't even cook egg properly! He burns them to a crisp! And the other day he spilled milk all over my shoes!" replies Aunt Mathilde. As much as I hate to say it… or think it— actually, it gives me great joy to think that even though it was an accident, I'm bloody well glad I did spill that milk on your horrid shoes. "And you know, he's not the best looking either." "Yes, especially that awful scar." as a matter of fact, Mathilde, I happen to love my scar. "Ughh… yes, he's got too many silly faults. I don't see why you took him in in the first place." "Yes, well —" "SHUT UP!!" I yell, cutting her off. "DONT YOU HAVE THE SLIGHTEST BIT OF RESPECT FOR ME?!" I give Auntie Meg a "Get out of here right now before I punch your bloomin' lights out" look, and the most peculair thing starts to happen. Her stomach seems to be slowly getting rounder and larger, but she doesn't notice. Then she notices her coat feels rather tight, and one of the buttons of her coat flies off and hits Aunt Mathilde in the eye. Then there is a sound where the seams are trying to hold together, but can't, and then her chair starts pushing further away from the table because she's getting so big. Then her face is getting rounder and her cheeks are getting swollen, like a big pig. Next, her fingers look like big sausages, and her stockings start to rip. She is like a huge inflating balloon. And she's even more like a balloon when she starts to float out of the window, still getting fatter, and fatter, till she can barely fit. Auntie Mathilde and Uncle Reg run outside, followed by Thaddeus, to get her back. Reg grabs her legs but she just pulls him in to mid-air as well. Then Aunt Mathilde grabs Uncle Reg's legs, but the same thing happens. Eventually, they have no other choice but to let go. Chapter 3 Waking up in the morning was no picnic either. It was the same thing. "Baljeet, Make the breakfast! Get the mail! Pour the milk! Hoover the stairs! Blah, blah, blah." I pick up the mail and leaf through it. Uncle Reg, Uncle Reg, Thaddeus, Thaddeus, Thaddeus, Aunt Mathilde, Baljeet Rai, Thaddeus... Wait a minute. Baljeet Rai?! "Well, boy, why are you taking forever?! Give us our blooming mail!" yells Uncle Reg, red in the face, as always. "Here you go." I reply quietly, passing out the letters. They notice I still have one in my hand, and they just about go mad. "Oi. What's that?" says Uncle Reg. "Give it here." "I'm sorry, Uncle Reginald, but it is illegal to read others' mail." I reply. "I'm your guardian. Give. It. Here, I say!" he yells, snatching it from me. It says: Baljeet Rai, 34 Maple Drive On the back, it says: Professor Albus Dumblefuff, Hogwart's School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Hogsmead He gasps, as does Aunt Mathilde. Thaddeus looks confused, but he's always confused. "No way." says Uncle Reg, "No boy living under this household is to go to a waste of money, that is Witches School." The Next Day, more letters from Hogwarts come through the mailslot, and Uncle Reg throws them into the fire. "Again," he says, "No boy under this roof his going to Hogwart's." And the next day, and the next, until they totally flood our house. There are owls on the roof, and all over Maple Drive. Eventually, we end up on this remote island in the middle of the sea, just to get away from all the letters. At night, I'm on the floor, Thaddeus is on the couch, and Aunt Mathilde and Uncle Reg are upstairs. Then, a hammering knock is heard at the door, over and over. It gets louder and heavier, until the door comes straight off of it's hinges and falls over. Thaddeus shrieks and runs into the corner. I pull on my glasses and stare at the giant, bushy-hair-and-bearded man at the door, holding a big box. Aunt Mathilde and Uncle Reg rush down the stairs and gasp at his presence. "Sorry 'bout that." says the man, handing me the box."Happy Birthday, Baljeet." My eyes widen to the shape of bowling balls. I've never gotten a birthday cake before! "Thank you!" I say, smiling. I open the box and the words: "Happee Berfday, Baljeete." are printed on the cake. I smile, and look up gratefully at the man. "Who... Who are you?!" says Aunt Mathilde. "Ahh. Allow me to introduce meself, madam. Rubeus Hagrid, Keeper of Keys and Teacher at Hogwarts. Surely you've gotten the boy's letter of acceptance?" says Rubeus Hagrid. "It appears your boy is a wizard." "Who, Thaddeus?" I ask. "Is your name Baljeet Rai?" he asks me. I nod."Well, then, it's you who is the wizard, Baljeet." "No! You can't just carry him off like that. You also can't just barge in here, and knock down our door!" snaps Uncle Reg. "Well, Mr. Muggle, you may not be familiar with the wizarding world, but as a matter of fact, I can." says Hagrid, advancing on Uncle Reg. There's a muffled chewing noise, and it's Thaddeus, eating my cake. Hagrid takes out a wand and flickers it at his... rump... and a tail of a pig is there. All three scream, and run upstairs, leaving just me and Hagrid. "Here, Baljeet." he says, handing me a letter. I open it, and it says: To Baljeet Rai, You have been accepted to Hogwart's School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Here you will learn all of the ways of the Wizarding World. Have you ever wondered how you do all these strange things you do? The Hogwarts Express leaves at 3:00 P.M. Sharp on Tuesday, 4th September. Sincerely, Minerva McGonagall,'' Deputy Headmistress and Head of Gryffindor House. "Well?" says Hagrid,"What do you say?" I beam and take his hand, and he waves his wand and we appear in some magical street. Chapter 4 "Mr. Hagrid, Where are we?" I ask, looking around. Toy stores, magical looking shops and pubs, unnatural looking people, etc. "We're off to get your Wizarding Supplies, boy." says Hagrid. "First, we've got to go somewhere." he says. We walk along into the Hustle-and-bustle of Wizards and Witches, until we reach a very tall building named "Gringotts". "This is the bank. We need to get your wizarding supplies." he says. He walks up to a Gremlin-like creature, and starts whispering. We get on to something very similar to a rollercoaster, until we reach vault 6-4-5. He opens it and takes out a red stone, and stuffs it into his pocket. "Official Hogwarts Business, Baljeet." he says. He reaches another vault, and opens it. It's full of gold coins. "Wow!" I exclaim. I've never seen this much in my life! "Yes, well, your parents gave it to you. To inherit. Now, to get you a wand." he says, getting back on the rollercoaster with me and exiting the bank. He leads me to a shop. "Now, Baljeet, I have to leave you here. Use this spell," he says, placing a piece of paper in my hands,"to get to the train station. You'll also need either a mouse, cat, or Owl." he says, walking away. I walk into the store and up to the counter. "Hello?" I say, looking for someone, or more likely some''thing'', for assistance. A ladder, with a man on it, sweeps over. "Well, Baljeet Rai. It really is you!" he says, shaking my hand. He pulls a box over and takes a wand out. "Here. Try this wand. Wave it!" he says. I wave it and some glass breaks. "Heh heh, not that one. Okay... hmm... I wonder." he says, taking out a black box from the back. He gives me the wand and I wave it, and a wind rushes in. "Funny that one would pick you." he says,"Because it's twin (pausing for dramatic effect) Gave you that scar." he says, pointing to my scar. "But, how did you know—?" I say, but he transports me to a train station, so I can say no more about it. ~*• At Liverpool St. •*~ I have a card in my pocket saying what platform to go to, and it says: "Platform 9 and a half". … 9 and a half? I can't see''that'' platform! So I decide to ask the station master. "Excuse me sir?" I say, "Do you know where platform 9 and a half is?" "Nine and a half? What are you on about?" he says. Uh-oh. That doesn't sound good. But I see a friendly-looking family nearby. So I walk up to ask them where my platform is. "Excuse me?" I say. "Do you know where platform 9 and a Half is?" "Oh, of course! Follow us, we'll take you!" the woman says,"So you're attending Hogwarts?" "How did you know?" I say. "Well, because firstly, the Hogwarts Express is the only train that goes platform Nine and a Half, and Second, little Phineas here is going too!" she says, patting who I assume is Phineas. Suddenly, the family just run through the wall, taking my hand and pulling me with them!! When we're on the other side of the wall, I say to Phineas: "What was THAT?!" "Didn't you know, you have to run through the wall to get to the Hogwarts Express!" he replies. "Oh, okay. But what if someone saw us?" I ask. "Oh, don't worry, if the Muggles tried to run through the wall they would only get a bash on the head." "Muggles? What are they?" "Non-magical folk, who aren't Squibs." "Squibs?" "People born into a magical family who aren't magical themselves. Like this caretaker called Filch my sister Candace told us about." "So, what's your name?" "Phineas Flynn" says Phineas Flynn, shaking my hand. "Baljeet Rai" I say. Toot!!! "Uh-oh! The trains gonna leave soon if we don't hurry!" he says. He runs to give his Mother, Father and Sister a hug. If only I could do that. "Let's go!" he says, pulling me on to the train. We step into a carriage and open the window. We wave goodbye to everyone, and I wave to the Flynn's. They seem nice. Once we sit down a lady with a food cart comes around. "Do you boys want anything?" she says to us. I take a small bag of money out of my bag. "We'll take the lot, please." I say. I give the lady my money and Phineas take the food and puts it next to him. He passes me a box that says "High-Quality Chocolate Frog." "Wait a minute…" he says. "You said you were Baljeet Rai, Right?" "Yes…?" I say. "Oh my goodness! You're the boy who lived! You'll practically famous!" "The boy who lived? What?" "Can I see the scar, first?" he says. I pull up my hair, because it had grown over my scar, and I show him my forehead with the lightning shaped scar on it. "It is you! You're the one who survived! The Regurgitator casted the Killing Curse on you and you survived! You're the only one who survived! You're practically famous!" he says. I look down at my chocolate frog. "I don't want to be off topic, but why are they called Chocolate Frogs?" I say, opening my box. Just then, a big brown frog jumps out. "Becaus they're frogs made of chocolate. Why else?" he replies, biting his frog's head off. I expected to see guts everywhere but the only thing inside the frog was oozy melted chocolate, which I'm supposing is their blood. We start having a conversation about when and how we discovered we were wizards, and the strange things that happened before we knew. But right in the middle, a girl knocks on our carraige door, wearing her Wizard Robes. She has black hair, blue eyes and a bright pink bow. "Excuse me," she says,"but have any of you seen a pet toad? Buford Van Stomm lost his and he can't seem to find it." she points at Buford. "No, sorry. We'll let you know if we do." I say. "Okay, thank you. And also, I think you'd better get your robes on. We've just entered Hogsmead, it won't be long before we get to Hogwarts." she says, shutting the carraige door and walking away. "Who's she?" I say. "Dunno." replies Phineas. ~*•At Hogwarts•*~ "Woooowww!!" I say. "This place is huge!" Just then, an elderly woman with a pointed hat comes up to us and says: "Hello, new students at hogwarts! I am Proffesor McGonnagall, deputy head of this school. I will show you to the grand hall where you will be sorted into your houses." Chapter 5 ~*•In the Great Hall•*~ The Great Hall is exceedingly big. It has candles floating above each table, and a big podium at the far end, with a big, long table behind it. There are four extremely long tables as well, used for having dinner at. On the big podium is a crooked, brown hat, which I hear is known as the "Sorting Hat". Then a tall man with a very long White beard comes and stands behind the podium. "Welcome, all new students, to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry! My name is Albert Dumblefuff. But please call me 'Sir' or 'Proffesor'. You will all be welcomed warmly, and I do hope you will like it here. Now, this hat here, is called the Sorting Hat. You put it on your head , and it will tell you what house you'll be in. That is based on personality and loyalty." he says. Just then, a boy sitting across from me says: "Why are you hanging around with that Flynn kid? If you stick with me, I'll show you all the cool people." he says. "No, thank you. I think I'll be fine." I say, turning to face Dumblefuff. "And now, without further adue, we will call everyone up to be sorted!" he says. And the sorting takes forever. I suddenly remember I have to keep focused or I may end up in Slytherin! That wouldn't do. "Melinda Firelight!" shouts the sorting hat. Right hen a girl with purple hair jumps up and bounds over to the sorting hat. She puts it on her head and beams. "Mmhmmm… quite hyper, yes, very loyal, quite bold… hmm… maybe Hufflepuff?" mumbles the Sorting Hat. "RAVENCLAW!" shouts the Sorting Hat. "Yes!" she says, jumping up then putting the sorting hat on it's podium and running over to where a group of people where, all with blue ties. She goes over to one of her friends and hugs them. Next, the sorting hat shouts "KEZIA HOLLAND!" And a girl with orange hair with blue streaks in it goes up to the hat and puts it on her head. "RAVENCLAW!" he shouts. Kezia takes the hat off of her head and bounds over to Melinda and hugs her. This is gonna be a looooooong night… Chapter 6 "Baljeet Rai?" mumbles a voice I've heard about 2,000,000 times tonight. "Hnnuffinmmm" I mumble. "BALJEET RAI!" Phineas jabs me in the ribs. "You have to get sorted!" he hisses. I trudge over and put the hat on. "Not Slytherin, not slytherin, not slytherin…" I beg continuously. "Not Slytherin, eh? But you could learn so much. Hmm… GRYFFINDOR!" "WHOO!" Cheer a bunch of people in Gryffindor. They're saying stuff like: "I can't believe we got Baljeet Rai! Oh my gosh!" "Alright!" I say, going to Gryffindor's table, and taking a seat. "Phineas Flynn!" he shouts. "Another Flynn? Ugh, I had no idea there'd be two. Candace is a handful already." he mumbles. "Gryffindor." he says. "How long was I asleep?" I whisper. "10 minutes." "Oh." "ISABELLA GARCIA-SHAPIRO!" The girl we were talking to earlier sits on the chair and puts the hat on. "Gryffindor!" She smiles and walks up to our table. "Hey, what's up with that girl there?" says Phineas, pointing to the Melinda girl. "Why does she have purple hair?" She's sitting close to us, and I think she heard. She looks annoyed, and her hair turns and orange-red colour, and her eyes are red. She says in a British accent: "If you really want to know, I'm a Metamorphmagus." she says. "A Metamonsterwhat?" replies Phineas. She giggles, and her hair turns purple again, and her eyes brown. "A Metamorphmagus is a kind of wizard who can change their appearance at will. When my mood changes my hair and eyes go a colour to suit that mood. If I'm cold, my hair and eyes turn silver. If warm, yellow, if sad, blue, and so on." she explains. "And I can to this:" just then, she turns her mouth and nose into a sort of duckbill, and quacks. She then changes back to normal and laughs. (Note: Guys, the idea of Melinda being a Metamorphmagus was Che's idea (: ) Category:Fanon Works Category:Baljeet Rai Category:Spoofs